Getting my jig ooooon

It has been a while since I have written anything, but sometimes you just don’t have time, and sometimes you just don’t know what to write. If like me you are a person who can only sometimes write about relevant issues and events, subsequently writing when something happens and not plucking something out of the air. I think the next two months are going to be my pick up time, where I plague my blog with crap that grows from my brain, yes crap. Relevant to me and one of you poor souls out there, I think it is the emptiness of summer time, when you can’t get any work and you really don’t want to be domestic, the eruption of my creative side in regards to painting is proof of this. Not forgetting however the re-runs of my all time favourite TV series. So watch this space J see anything you like, then please spread the word… P.S. ignore the bad spelling and grammar on some of my old posts J I will get round to editing them soon!

A man's best friend!

Man’s best friend? Woman’s best friend? Where is it, that it states that a man’s best friend is a dog and a woman’s is diamonds? Some universal unwritten rule?

I think anyone could tell you I dream of the day I can afford real diamond rings and earrings with platinum settings. The way they sparkle and smile at you, the way everyone glances at them knowing how beautiful they are. The elegance! But why can’t a dog be a woman’s best friend? I love my old dog, my bosses’ old dog and the dog I had with my old boyfriend. 

What is not to love, all they want it to be walked, fed and loved, unconditional love. They know when you are upset, they know how to piss you off, they wait for you to return home, lick your face with so much love and they just want to be with you.

I do feel sorry for those people whom have animal allergies, especially allergies to dogs. They miss out on so much, growing up with a dog, having a companion throughout life that won’t let you down, that is there no matter what, they don’t promise anything and don’t break your heart. 

The sad thing is, “a dog is not for Christmas” is so true, the amount of dogs beaten, killed, abused, made to fight etc is an unfortunate truth. Because they don’t have a voice, they are smaller than us, people think that it is ok to inflict pain upon beautiful creatures.

I say that dogs are not just a man’s best friend, but they are everyone’s best friend. Once I leave University I am getting myself a dog or two again with diamond collars, going to kill two birds with one stone :) Never forget how precious they are.

Here is my shameful video of my love for an old dog :D 

The Heart :)

Isn’t it silly, the way the heart works? You automatically love your parents from day one, no matter what they say or do to you when you are young, you love them no matter what. When you get older, to a certain age that changes a little, your feelings can be affected by what they say or do, but you still love them, even when you hate them. They are those people in your life that can do anything, superheroes, and the ones that you look up to and make excuses for when they do something. You may tell the world you hate them, deep down you want their approval and their love. When they do hurt you, no amount of answers to your questions can feed your hunger.

You love your friends, not because of who they are, but because how they make you feel, the effect they have on you but I suppose you love them also because who they are. But without some effect on your life, you wouldn’t have them as a friend or love them. Whether it is because they make you feel needed, you need them, they are the joker, the one that listens. You forgive them when they hurt you, chance after chance even though you know your heart will break again. Trust against your better judgement. These friendships are those complex ones you never want to let go of, even when no one else understands it. 

The most unusual work of the heart has to be that of those you fall in love with. You go to sleep and wake up in love. You see that friend you have known for a life time in a different light. Your heart flutters at the thought of them, you imagine a kiss, a touch of hands, what the rest of your life together will be like and you imagine life without them. Being so in love with person that person it is painful. 

Love is so much more complex, you want to share when you are in love, love and care but when you are broken, and in pain and hate you don’t want to share. The heart can make you either the happiest person on the planet or can make you the darkest person in the world.

We forget that in those times of darkness that we have those around us, those who would happily help, in their own unusual or usual way. That when you are at your happiest there are others out there, your friends and family that are in a dark place, share your light, your happiness like you once needed and will need again. 

The most vital, fragile, complex and strong muscle in the body, who knew it!

I haven’t really been active for some time, life takes over sometimes. I want to thank the people who have shown interest in my work. I took time out from writing due to returning to University after a break of several years from university. Although it feels that I am a little rusty on the writing despite the massive influx of emotions that are going around at the moment. My last post is very vague, and well not really up to standard but I hope for it to improve J thank you again guys and keep posted!

The way you make me feel

I hate this feeling, this way you make me feel

The way my heart leaps when I think about you

Every time I get something expecting it to be you

Every time I smiled it was because of you

All my hope and dreams because of you

I hate this feeling, when you took it all away

The way my heart breaks because of you

I dread receiving anything

When I cry and feel lonely, it’s because of you

When my hopes and dreams feel insignificant

This empty feeling you left in my life

You were my friend, my crush and the one I laid my hope on

I trusted you with my heart

I trusted you

Discussion.....

I would like to thank all the people that have left comments, emailed me and poped by. It means alot and its nice to see what people have to say in response to my writing.

I would to like to ask you that if you feel like there is something close to you that you would like to talk about, or to be talked about. Then please contact me as I am always looking for topics to write about as you can tell its something that I enjoy alot.

Don't be shy and even if you just need some one to talk to then it will stay private.

Email me via the website and again thank you for your support and kind words!

Regards Laura xx

Lost.....

When do we become so lost, so lost that we cant find our selves
An empty core evaporated
The only peace from this emptiness, to wander the streets
To feel alone, to want to cry and to want to be lost

Why do we want to be lost when we need to be found
When we wait for the rain in this long drought
Unable to be alone and unable to cry

Secretly crying out to the world with no one listening
Walking the lonely streets with no one there
Why do we stay so lost when we could be found
When walking back to the crowd seems so easy but yet so hard

I feel so lost and my solitary is my only comfort
Feeling my meaningless pain is my pleasure
Blaming the world is my words

Yet this page is empty
My ink doesn’t stain

I’m lost

Withering rose

It makes me angry to watch the colour fade from my TV
I’m watching you in black and white
And I cant change the channel

Looking out the window at you
The rose in my withered garden, full and red
Your outshining the weeds in my garden, but I can see the frost coming

I cant help but cry
Frustrated at watching you like this, helpless to aid you
I’m the stranger in the street walking by and watching you fall

You hold the key to my heart in your hand
I hold out my hand for eternity, withering in the sun
I cant take any more and I wont, I want to give but you don’t take

Seasons pass and you don’t bloom
My garden stays withered and weeded with you in the centre no different
Sitting on my couch banging the TV trying to get some colour
Watering the garden, working my blood and sweat into the soil for nothing to happen

Why wont anything work?
I’m getting so tired and all I want to do is sleep
When I wake up will it be back to normal
Will the hands of time rewind and make it all right?

I miss it all and I don’t want to take back what was mine

Lying in my garden waiting for spring to come
Waiting for your frost to leave
Wishing that the crow will take my eyes away

I cant watch you fade away
I cant stand by while I’m pushed out
I cant stand by when I’m not let in

Its not enough!

I love you,
I love you but its not enough

I’ve loved you since I saw you
I loved you when you held my hand
When you told me it would be ok
When you hid my face from the demons

I love you but its not enough
Its not enough to feed of your love
I need more from you than just this

How can I tell you this
That all you do is give me love
That there is nothing else
It pains me to be thinking this

I need your hand to pull me up
I need you to see what I see
I need for you to feel with me
I need your love but I need more

When you hold my hand I’m lifted up
When you open your eyes I’m no longer alone
When you feel with me I tingle all over
When I love, my love is for you

I was blessed when you walked into my life
More than you can understand
I cant thank you more for what you have given me

Soon I need to make a journey
And I need you, I need you more than any one
Please give me more than just love

Help me sleep at night
Hold me tight and walk with me in the morning
Let the sun shine on us

Its us against the world my darling
don’t leave me sitting out in the rain

What makes us human?

What is it that makes us human? We are born into this world, through other peoples pain, choice and much more. We age, and with time we experience, experience the good, bad, beautiful and horrific. We age, and the rest of the world sees it. Our family and our friends, even the strangers that pass us by. We go on this same cycle where we all take the similar path to the people before. But what is it that makes us human? No matter what choices we make are we human?

Is it that makes us human the ability to make our own choices? Is it that we can walk on two legs? Is it that we can speak. What is the definition of human, or is it in fact a loosely applied definition to a large entity that populated this world.

People tell me that we are human, we are all human. We are this because we are able to choose what we do, what we think. Control our own actions. But why then is the human race such a horrible race. That we can supposedly control out actions and yet we aren’t in control. Blame others for our actions, destroy everything in our path. couldn’t care less about the person sitting next to you.

Does it mean to be human, to destroy everything and hardly care, to care when it doesn’t matter any more. What does really make us human??

Tick tock

Sitting here as the clock ticks, hearing every tick that goes by.
Filled with emptiness as though something cracked and leaked away
Why is it that we get these feeling from such trivial things

Is it our past that fuels us
Fuels us to feel over dramatised feelings about little events
Or is it that our past needs us to rely on small trivial things to survive

We survive in strange ways
By hiding away from what is the real world
But in fact it’s the real world if its part of us and we breath

If we think it, dream it or fantasise about it
Even though we cant touch it or see it
Does not mean that its not the real world

Because we make these thoughts and we want them
And we breath in the air around us and we are the real world
So every essence of us, isn’t that the real world also?

But I am sitting here in the dark listening to the tick
Wondering what to do
Wondering why time has stopped still

With the pain I’ve endured caught in the tear caught with time on my cheek
The pain may not be necessary
But I chose this path and it saddens me when the foundations I walk crumble

My laughter left with the wind
My tears tapped and turned on
My heart pounding, bruising with each beat against the prison wall
My head on a tornados path, for all destruction
My mouth doing as it pleases

I’m sitting there watching my self as time stops
The tick tick tick tock
And I know what I see I did was wrong and what I will, it will be wrong

But all in all, I am human and this is me

Dedicated to a true friend, and a path maker!

So some of you who have read my writing, know a little about me. But I want to talk briefly about some one I know whom I admire a lot.

I once met a woman, who grew up with my father. And as we all know we don’t care much about the important things when were younger, but we do grow to notice them and wonder and of course want to know about them. What I didn’t know then that I do now, is that she is an amazing person. Not because what happened to her, or who she is or even who she is with me but all of it and not even the latter.

To hear of some ones pains and to see who they turned into by choice is amazing, and then when you see them use there pain and experiences to do something they truly feel will help others is amazing. But the thing is just because some one feels its helping others doesn’t mean it is, but when you see that they are helping others that’s the amazing thing.

I owe a lot to this person, seeing what she has become, and to see what she is doing with her life. It is that path many of us should take, but so little do. Its not hard no matter what has been done to us, to choose a path to help others. We need to help each other, not all get the help that is offered to others, but it does not stop those that don’t receive it to be an amazing person.

Id like to dedicate this to the person its about, you are an amazing person Nicci. Never let any one tell you different, and I hope more people follow in the footsteps you have taken. I know we don’t speak as much as we should. But you are very much loved, specially by me.

Fading away

Finally obtaining that essence I once had
Obtaining the courage to step forward
To finally run after walking an eternity

But when I stumble how will I run again
Bruised and bleeding
Emptiness as my attempts drain the courage I found

When I stumble
Why wont you help me
Why wont you show me the way

You don’t even try to hold my hand

I’m loosing the strength to run
I’m loosing the will to see where I was going

I knew where I was going and I knew how to run
But when I fell and kept falling I cried your name out

Your standing there watching, while I bleed
While I bruise

All I need if your help because I’m dazed and I’m scared

Please take my hand
Help me up
Bring me what I need to stop bleeding

don’t show me the way

Help me find it because the door I opened is closing
Fear is setting in and the wolves are after me
The fire in the sun is fading

I don’t want this to be it, but if it is
What you see happening is me
And I’m fading

Marriage

Since my friends sisters wedding, I’ve been thinking more and more about the future. That old tradition that seemed to die off but then flourish again. Still not as it used to be. Years ago marriage meant something. It meant that you were with that person, for there morals, there aims, there ability to look after and support. Our society has changed indeed, the way we view people and peoples abilities are different now. But I know that love was not the reason for marriage once upon a time. It was to keep the name of a family, to enrich a family, to carry on a monarch, to rise social status. It was about society and a families name and riches surviving, however rich or poor that family was. Still this carried on. But became more lax, But love was never what we took into account here. What has changed, why has the tradition changed so much? Before we learned to love the person we married, now we must love the person to marry. But what is the difference aside from this? It used to be death do us part, now its divorce when things get rough, has the change in our society really changed this tradition so much? Women are no longer restricted to the house, restricted to speak when spoken to. We have more power and increasingly more. But is this also part of the reason?

What I don’t understand solely, is that we marry now for love and wanted to announce this to the world. We want people to know that we are with this person to death do us part, but how do we let an old tradition that has changed to our society and our view, a piece of paper that does not mean what it once did, change our relationship? Is it the backward was we now treat it from our original tradition. When a couple announces there love, we date, we live together and then we have children or get married then children, but statistics prove that there is a said % that get divorced. It shows that there is a status change in our own minds.

The question is, why do these exchange of vows and rings make such a difference to our relationship?

Peace be with those effected by the Cumbria shootings

It has been some time, along time. Too long that i have spoken here or expressed my self. As a lot of you know of the recent tragedy that hit England not so long ago. Darkness fell upon Cumbria tragically, lives were lost and lives shattered. Being there my self, being close was horrible enough. I would like to thank every ones for the support we have received, the kind words and the warmth. Its not only affected us but the rest of the country. My thoughts are with the families and friends of the victims and the victims there self. I hope that they have hands to hold on there journey. Peace be with you all including the Bird family.

The walk we take!

When we walk the same path over and over again
Why still do we loose our way
Our foot prints lost in the earth, no trace of where we walked before

When do we become to realise the path
When can we walk it without confusion
When do we walk it without the pain in our feet

Will we ever ask some one to take the walk with us
Understand the journey we are taking over and over
Show others what we see, what we feel on this walk

Will the path become easier as we walk it more
Will we take a new one, change where we go
Why do the seasons never change

I’ve walked alone along this cold and wintered path
Too long along loosing my foot steps, without a map to aid me
But can I let you come with me or take me to a new one

When I have took a new path, the next one hasn’t been easier
Just different

When you don’t have the strength to walk the path each day
Why would you let some one walk it with you
To see what you do, to feel what you do

Maybe it is meant to be that we walk alone
By our choice or not

But thank you for wanting to walk it with me
But I don’t know where I walked before

I just stumble here each time I wake, each time I walk out the door
I was here before, I am here now, I will be here tomorrow

Ignorant Race

We are ignorant as a race. Through the years we have claimed the right to unleash pain on others, claimed the right to the lives of others. What is it in our selves, the human race that makes us think we can take, claim or do with as we wish all that is not ours.

Why can’t we live as people? Why even now are we barbarians? If you can watch all that goes on in this world and not see it as it is, not see that nothing has changed. You think than because 100 years later that we are not barbarians. What is different now from when the Scottish fought the English, when will we learn and live?

As time goes by in this world nothing changes but the world gets older. The veins in land throb with the blood of the centuries. When will the passage of our heritage change? Have we no ability to walk a new path, to sacrifice life for a real cause, to shed blood for a reason other than our own greed.

When will you become more than what you look at in the mirror, more that the person you pass in the street and more than the person that you read about in our all mighty history books. When will the barbarian leave us, when you shed a tear for the compassion of others?

Is it so hard to live as people rather than the individuals that we are? We are individuals and we are one. When did people forget that no matter where we live and no matter what we look like, we are one. We walk the same land, we have the same heart. We love our families and friends. We love the soil that forms our countries.

Because I’m from England and you’re from Ireland, because I’m black and you are white, because you love Buda and I love Jesus does that make me or you superior to the other? Do I fight with my parents when we have different views, likes and dislikes?

Why then do we have to fight, me and you? I don’t know you but I love you. The respect I have for you I hope you have for me. Because you were brought into this world as I was, you grew as I was and you were born into the same world as me, may it be at different times. But this is our world. If I could hug you I would, make the right decisions as someone needs to change the path we follow and I have a lot of miles to walk and I can’t do it alone. Hold my hands and make the journey with me.

Ruins

Sat in my dark little quite world
Some one, tall dark and mysterious
Venturing around, shinning his flashlight
Stirring the darkness
Architecture unfolding, observed, documented
That new sound, unfamiliar and annoying
Familiarly becoming wanted, an undieing echo
Becoming
Light let in, the ruins
No longer dark and dusty
Still wandering these once lonely darkened ruins
chiseling at the still uncovered areas
Hitting the wrong place, using the wrong tools
All the progress, all that was
Crumbles
Light fades once again

When does it all go wrong? When all seems so calm and collected and figured out. When you know what is right and wrong. When the things go the way they are supposed to, but never turn out the way they should. How can life be so simple but so confusing and complicated. The smallest of things that should be so smooth. Go so wrong, become a long bumpy ride filled with endless pain.

Me

I feel very lost and alone in this world because of my daily struggles Waking up and seeing my self in the mirror is hard I know I don't need any one to make me happy, but I know that I cant make my self happy I have come to the admittance that I will never be HAPPY I may feel a slight sparkle try and force out of the darkness for the split second that it shines I will most likely cherish those moments even tho I know that the daily pain will darken out the light and I will have this hanging over my life but I take some light into me knowing that I can help people no matter how hard and dark I am!