Tick tock

Sitting here as the clock ticks, hearing every tick that goes by.
Filled with emptiness as though something cracked and leaked away
Why is it that we get these feeling from such trivial things

Is it our past that fuels us
Fuels us to feel over dramatised feelings about little events
Or is it that our past needs us to rely on small trivial things to survive

We survive in strange ways
By hiding away from what is the real world
But in fact it’s the real world if its part of us and we breath

If we think it, dream it or fantasise about it
Even though we cant touch it or see it
Does not mean that its not the real world

Because we make these thoughts and we want them
And we breath in the air around us and we are the real world
So every essence of us, isn’t that the real world also?

But I am sitting here in the dark listening to the tick
Wondering what to do
Wondering why time has stopped still

With the pain I’ve endured caught in the tear caught with time on my cheek
The pain may not be necessary
But I chose this path and it saddens me when the foundations I walk crumble

My laughter left with the wind
My tears tapped and turned on
My heart pounding, bruising with each beat against the prison wall
My head on a tornados path, for all destruction
My mouth doing as it pleases

I’m sitting there watching my self as time stops
The tick tick tick tock
And I know what I see I did was wrong and what I will, it will be wrong

But all in all, I am human and this is me

Dedicated to a true friend, and a path maker!

So some of you who have read my writing, know a little about me. But I want to talk briefly about some one I know whom I admire a lot.

I once met a woman, who grew up with my father. And as we all know we don’t care much about the important things when were younger, but we do grow to notice them and wonder and of course want to know about them. What I didn’t know then that I do now, is that she is an amazing person. Not because what happened to her, or who she is or even who she is with me but all of it and not even the latter.

To hear of some ones pains and to see who they turned into by choice is amazing, and then when you see them use there pain and experiences to do something they truly feel will help others is amazing. But the thing is just because some one feels its helping others doesn’t mean it is, but when you see that they are helping others that’s the amazing thing.

I owe a lot to this person, seeing what she has become, and to see what she is doing with her life. It is that path many of us should take, but so little do. Its not hard no matter what has been done to us, to choose a path to help others. We need to help each other, not all get the help that is offered to others, but it does not stop those that don’t receive it to be an amazing person.

Id like to dedicate this to the person its about, you are an amazing person Nicci. Never let any one tell you different, and I hope more people follow in the footsteps you have taken. I know we don’t speak as much as we should. But you are very much loved, specially by me.

Fading away

Finally obtaining that essence I once had
Obtaining the courage to step forward
To finally run after walking an eternity

But when I stumble how will I run again
Bruised and bleeding
Emptiness as my attempts drain the courage I found

When I stumble
Why wont you help me
Why wont you show me the way

You don’t even try to hold my hand

I’m loosing the strength to run
I’m loosing the will to see where I was going

I knew where I was going and I knew how to run
But when I fell and kept falling I cried your name out

Your standing there watching, while I bleed
While I bruise

All I need if your help because I’m dazed and I’m scared

Please take my hand
Help me up
Bring me what I need to stop bleeding

don’t show me the way

Help me find it because the door I opened is closing
Fear is setting in and the wolves are after me
The fire in the sun is fading

I don’t want this to be it, but if it is
What you see happening is me
And I’m fading

Marriage

Since my friends sisters wedding, I’ve been thinking more and more about the future. That old tradition that seemed to die off but then flourish again. Still not as it used to be. Years ago marriage meant something. It meant that you were with that person, for there morals, there aims, there ability to look after and support. Our society has changed indeed, the way we view people and peoples abilities are different now. But I know that love was not the reason for marriage once upon a time. It was to keep the name of a family, to enrich a family, to carry on a monarch, to rise social status. It was about society and a families name and riches surviving, however rich or poor that family was. Still this carried on. But became more lax, But love was never what we took into account here. What has changed, why has the tradition changed so much? Before we learned to love the person we married, now we must love the person to marry. But what is the difference aside from this? It used to be death do us part, now its divorce when things get rough, has the change in our society really changed this tradition so much? Women are no longer restricted to the house, restricted to speak when spoken to. We have more power and increasingly more. But is this also part of the reason?

What I don’t understand solely, is that we marry now for love and wanted to announce this to the world. We want people to know that we are with this person to death do us part, but how do we let an old tradition that has changed to our society and our view, a piece of paper that does not mean what it once did, change our relationship? Is it the backward was we now treat it from our original tradition. When a couple announces there love, we date, we live together and then we have children or get married then children, but statistics prove that there is a said % that get divorced. It shows that there is a status change in our own minds.

The question is, why do these exchange of vows and rings make such a difference to our relationship?

Peace be with those effected by the Cumbria shootings

It has been some time, along time. Too long that i have spoken here or expressed my self. As a lot of you know of the recent tragedy that hit England not so long ago. Darkness fell upon Cumbria tragically, lives were lost and lives shattered. Being there my self, being close was horrible enough. I would like to thank every ones for the support we have received, the kind words and the warmth. Its not only affected us but the rest of the country. My thoughts are with the families and friends of the victims and the victims there self. I hope that they have hands to hold on there journey. Peace be with you all including the Bird family.

The walk we take!

When we walk the same path over and over again
Why still do we loose our way
Our foot prints lost in the earth, no trace of where we walked before

When do we become to realise the path
When can we walk it without confusion
When do we walk it without the pain in our feet

Will we ever ask some one to take the walk with us
Understand the journey we are taking over and over
Show others what we see, what we feel on this walk

Will the path become easier as we walk it more
Will we take a new one, change where we go
Why do the seasons never change

I’ve walked alone along this cold and wintered path
Too long along loosing my foot steps, without a map to aid me
But can I let you come with me or take me to a new one

When I have took a new path, the next one hasn’t been easier
Just different

When you don’t have the strength to walk the path each day
Why would you let some one walk it with you
To see what you do, to feel what you do

Maybe it is meant to be that we walk alone
By our choice or not

But thank you for wanting to walk it with me
But I don’t know where I walked before

I just stumble here each time I wake, each time I walk out the door
I was here before, I am here now, I will be here tomorrow

Ignorant Race

We are ignorant as a race. Through the years we have claimed the right to unleash pain on others, claimed the right to the lives of others. What is it in our selves, the human race that makes us think we can take, claim or do with as we wish all that is not ours.

Why can’t we live as people? Why even now are we barbarians? If you can watch all that goes on in this world and not see it as it is, not see that nothing has changed. You think than because 100 years later that we are not barbarians. What is different now from when the Scottish fought the English, when will we learn and live?

As time goes by in this world nothing changes but the world gets older. The veins in land throb with the blood of the centuries. When will the passage of our heritage change? Have we no ability to walk a new path, to sacrifice life for a real cause, to shed blood for a reason other than our own greed.

When will you become more than what you look at in the mirror, more that the person you pass in the street and more than the person that you read about in our all mighty history books. When will the barbarian leave us, when you shed a tear for the compassion of others?

Is it so hard to live as people rather than the individuals that we are? We are individuals and we are one. When did people forget that no matter where we live and no matter what we look like, we are one. We walk the same land, we have the same heart. We love our families and friends. We love the soil that forms our countries.

Because I’m from England and you’re from Ireland, because I’m black and you are white, because you love Buda and I love Jesus does that make me or you superior to the other? Do I fight with my parents when we have different views, likes and dislikes?

Why then do we have to fight, me and you? I don’t know you but I love you. The respect I have for you I hope you have for me. Because you were brought into this world as I was, you grew as I was and you were born into the same world as me, may it be at different times. But this is our world. If I could hug you I would, make the right decisions as someone needs to change the path we follow and I have a lot of miles to walk and I can’t do it alone. Hold my hands and make the journey with me.