The angel that marked me!

Walking away wasn't the hardest part.
Walking away from the person I have truelly loved the most was.
Saying the final good bye, however long that it took.
It would of been less painful to shoot my self in the head.
Walking away knowing how in pain he was, he still is.

Lost, confused and not knowing who he is.
Once he was my confidant, my soul and best friend, I truelly wish that i could be this to him now in his time of need.
Now I don't know who he is, after so much, being lovers to strangers.

The first time he kissed me, it was a touch from the heavens.
The first time he hugged me was like being home.
The first time he made love to me, I felt like a virgin.

If I hadn't of walked away, what would of become of us?
Two lost souls wandering together but so far apart.

When I closed the door to my heart and handed him the key, I knew he wouldn't open the door.
He lost the key the first time and wouldn't fight the door down.

When I turned around I knew I had ripped his heart out.
Was it so bad for me to make him make that choice? To choose and decide how its going to be?
I have wished he had walked away from me!
For me to suffer by his hands would be far less painful for both that for him to suffer by mine.

I wish to heal his heart and soul, be the priest I once was, strong for others but not my self.
But understand this, only he can heal him self.
I want to love him, I do love him.
I have let him go, as that is all I can do!

I hope that he knows that he was and still is my true love.
I love his faults and problems and the distance in every way made no difference to me. He was my confidante, my soul mate, my best friend. He is my fallen angel

Wandering souls!

I think that right now, as i sit here talking and writing and thinking the majority of the world are hurting for some reason how ever small are big it may be. Maybe not even a majority but people fuss and worry over so much with out realising that they need to find them selves and be found before they can make a difference for them self and to others. We all need to find our selves, being lost forever is the worst possible thing. Its horrible that you may never find who you are, that you may find who you are with in your last breaths. We are all lost souls at one point waiting and wondering and learning.

"A person who is so strong but so weak, some one who can smile and laugh but there eyes are so sad even when they smile which opens up there soul to see a shattered soul wandering waiting to be found" Quoted by Laura Ireland

Nighting gale

"A priest with warm healing hands but who is lost wandering the heavens not knowing where to go them selves but to the ones that need her self, never seeing to her own wounds to heal!" Quoted from Laura Ireland

To those out there that wander this world, missing there self and caring for others before there self for what ever reasons that they neglect them selves. Please take a moment to hold your self and cry. Drop the strain of your shoulders and let some one hold your hand for once.

Admitance

I feel very lost and alone in this world because of my daily struggles
waking up and seeing my self in the mirror is hard
I know I don't need any one to make me happy
But i know that I cant make my self happy
I have come to the admitance that I will never be HAPPY I may feel a slight sparkle, try and force out of the darkness for the split second that it shines
I will most likelly cherish those moments even tho I know that the daily pain will darken out the light

Those people that make the difference!

manic depresion or Bipolar disorder. The disorder is also found in a large number of people involved in the arts. It is an ongoing question as to whether many creative geniuses had bipolar disorder. Some studies have found a significant correlation between creativity and bipolar disorder.

"Beauty and intelegance comes at a price, yes your life is hard and you stuggle but this is the price you have to pay!" Quoted by a passing stranger whom looked into my eyes and say a lost soul. (Thank you for the talk that pulled me through my times in life)

Confusion in a conversation!

I cant smile. when im heart broken and have been for a long time, its not the be all and end all but its hurts like nothing before! And i hate it for being in my life.
How can I take something out of my life that I care so much for as a friend and a confidante but as more also.

Underneath it all.
Watching them get hurt by others over time, When all i want to do is make them happy.

Being there for them, hurts like nothing else. Hurts more than needles in my eyes!
I wish that my eyes were ripped out so i couldnt see it, my heart ripped out so i couldn't feel it, my ears took away so that I wouldnt hear anything.

So that the only thing I could feel would be touch and being untouched for so long its the only feeling that I would be unaffected by.

Admitting this feeling is pain in its self, admiting my thoughts is a map to hurt me.

Because it happens weather I make it or weather its by accident.
Never, it stays with me like a scar.

It itches every so often.
Sometimes I sit here and I admit I feel alone and cold.
And that I'd rather be by my self to cry, shout, mourn as I know that I havent got some one here who seems to care but doesn't truelly.
I have endured so much pain in my life that im no longer afraid of it, I embrace it and I realise when other people are in pain more!

Finding love to care!

"In one way or another i have always suffered. I dont know why exactly. But I do know that im not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt, and I've found some one to feel with. To play with, to love, in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I see him suffer to, and that I want to love him" Quote from the film "The secretary"

I dont know why I love this quote so much, It has meaning to me and others. I think for me to write about something and then Quote this would not give justice. Enjoy..